Dear Porcelain God,

I worship you.

Coming Undone.

Things are changing faster then I can keep track of.
New faces are appearing,
Making me happy,
Distracted from whats really going on.
Being with them preoccupies my time.
I don't have to think about home,
Well what I call my home at least.
In reality is just a big show.
No one here really likes each other.
Words that are said are meant to hurt,
Break down and destroy someone.
Around here things only pull together
When tragedy strikes, then we fall apart again.
We're like an old book with the binding giving away.
No matter how many times you put it back together
Its never brand new again,
It never fits the same as it did.
So we sit here with taped up spines,
Arguing amongst ourselves
Waiting for the next failure that either
Brings us together or pushes us further apart.

Sweet heart you are beautiful.
In the eyes of so many,
You shine brighter then the sun.
So why do you let yourself get so low?
Why do you let them hurt you?
Personally I would like to show each and
every one of them how I feel about them.
I want them to feel the pain you do.
If only you saw what I see.
I wish that you were happy.
I wish there was something to do.
I wish I would have done things differently,
Maybe then you wouldn't do certain things.
You scare me so much.
I have lost so much sleep lately,
Tossing and turning in my bed,
Thinking about how life would be like with out you.
I just can't have that.
I love you so much.

Here I Go,

Nothing I can say is going to matter,
But I'm going to say it anyways,
Because I still care.
How could you?
At least my actions were unintentional.
You knew,
You knew everything about her.
You knew what that would do to her.
I don't even know the whole story,
and I probably won't ever,
But I know enough.
All those times you said you cared about her.
What happened?
It's true, I did something I shouldn't have,
But it was an accident.
From what I can tell,
You have no excuse.
You have no excuse for ripping my bes..her heart out.
If we still talked I would be telling her never to talk to you again,
We don't talk, but I'm still going to say,
that he isn't worth it.
He can't be good for you.
I guess it's the same for me,
I wasn't good for you,
You had to make me leave.
He made you happy,
But so does so many other things.
I still love you,
No matter what you think of me.
And I don't want to see you upset.
It sucks, because I can't tell you this.
I can't be there for you,
Thats my fault.
For now this is all I can do.
I know you so well,
You have to think about this.
Whatever the right decision is,
You know it, and I know you will make it.
I didn't know this was going on,
But I do now, and I will be praying for you,
To make the right decision,
To be content with your decision,
And for anything else that might come along.
I'm sooo sorry things had to happen like this.

Uhh, I'm Sick, The Words Don't Come As Well When You Have a Headache.

The loneliness is creeping up once again.

It happens every time.

Why am I so dependent on others to make me happy?

I have people that love me,

But that never seems like enough.

I'm tired of always searching.

I'm searching for something I'll never find.

Contemptment in my self is something I won't get,

From guys,

From friends,

I'm not sure how I'm going to find it.

Sophia, insert words of wisdom here.....

Nice Try Though.

When I said most things people say are lies,

I wasn't kidding.

I just didn't think you would be the one to prove that.

Thanks,

For being there.

Thanks,

For making the last month interesting.

Thanks,

For all the complements.

Thanks,

For all the late night calls.

Thanks,

For making me feel the way I did.

Now all that is over.

I can't even wrap my mind around what you did.

This is so unbelievable.

Bye Brett.

October 13th 2009, 9:02 pm.

So, girl gets friend,

Friend has a boyfriend,

Girl gets curious,

Girl snatches boyfriend,

Girl and friend hate each other.

Girl makes new friend.

Repeat process.

Oh what a silly girl.

Doesn't she know she is only hurting herself.

Surly someone has told her.

Does she honestly not get it?

Does she not recognize what she is doing?

Does she just not care?

I wouldn't say it is only one of those,

But a combination of them all.

You think she would learn.

But she doesn't.

At first there was a voice telling her it was wrong,

Making her feel horrible.

The second time around the voice was pushed away.

It kept coming back,

But it wasn't that hard to push it into the background.

Every time after that it got easier and easier.

How did it get to this?

Has her heart become numb to all the...

It's 9:02 and I have to go.

Things are not right.

My Hand Is Yours To Hold

And honestly I found hope,
In your arms boy,
Cause on one can replace you,
You are the rose of the weeds,
I'll never deserve you,
But I'll fight for my right,
To love you,
Till the lights all fade away,
And away,
Cause my hand is yours to hold,
When you get lonely you can call on me,
I'll be an answer to your prayer,
You can cry on my shoulder,
Baby don't hold back,
You know I'm not like that,
I'm yours.

Things are starting to fall into place now.
Not every thing is a crazy chaotic mess.
Maybe now I can relax.
I know things weren't that bad,
But they were beginning to get out of hand.
All the confusion,
The many, many uncertainties,
And the doubts.
They are still there,
Just controllable.
I was over reacting.
Not everything people say is true.
Infact, most of the things people say are lies.
Whatever, as long as you know what is right,
Everything else shouldn't matter.
Learning to trust is a good thing,
No one ever said it was going to be easy though.
How can you trust someone you just met?
Putting faith in something untangable,
Now that is a challenge.
Of course I know you,
But I have yet to set my eyes upon your face.
Maybe then it will be easier.
Maybe you should give me a call sometime,
With the intenetions of ending something like,
"Alright, see you in a little bit babe."
I'm not mad by any means.
I just want to be able to see you.
I want to be able to hold your hand.
It will happen,
The question is when?

Sweetie, You make me smile.
That's all there is to it.
Your such a positive person.
Hanging around you has been a good choice on my part I do believe.
I made a switch a while ago.
I now am positive I got the better hand.
Please, oh please, don't let me down.
I don't see that being a problem,
But you never know.
Things arn't always what they appear to be.
I would love for you to stay a while.
Friendship is what keeps me going.
You know I'm here for you, always.