Uhh, I'm Sick, The Words Don't Come As Well When You Have a Headache.

The loneliness is creeping up once again.

It happens every time.

Why am I so dependent on others to make me happy?

I have people that love me,

But that never seems like enough.

I'm tired of always searching.

I'm searching for something I'll never find.

Contemptment in my self is something I won't get,

From guys,

From friends,

I'm not sure how I'm going to find it.

Sophia, insert words of wisdom here.....

Nice Try Though.

When I said most things people say are lies,

I wasn't kidding.

I just didn't think you would be the one to prove that.

Thanks,

For being there.

Thanks,

For making the last month interesting.

Thanks,

For all the complements.

Thanks,

For all the late night calls.

Thanks,

For making me feel the way I did.

Now all that is over.

I can't even wrap my mind around what you did.

This is so unbelievable.

Bye Brett.

October 13th 2009, 9:02 pm.

So, girl gets friend,

Friend has a boyfriend,

Girl gets curious,

Girl snatches boyfriend,

Girl and friend hate each other.

Girl makes new friend.

Repeat process.

Oh what a silly girl.

Doesn't she know she is only hurting herself.

Surly someone has told her.

Does she honestly not get it?

Does she not recognize what she is doing?

Does she just not care?

I wouldn't say it is only one of those,

But a combination of them all.

You think she would learn.

But she doesn't.

At first there was a voice telling her it was wrong,

Making her feel horrible.

The second time around the voice was pushed away.

It kept coming back,

But it wasn't that hard to push it into the background.

Every time after that it got easier and easier.

How did it get to this?

Has her heart become numb to all the...

It's 9:02 and I have to go.

Things are not right.

My Hand Is Yours To Hold

And honestly I found hope,
In your arms boy,
Cause on one can replace you,
You are the rose of the weeds,
I'll never deserve you,
But I'll fight for my right,
To love you,
Till the lights all fade away,
And away,
Cause my hand is yours to hold,
When you get lonely you can call on me,
I'll be an answer to your prayer,
You can cry on my shoulder,
Baby don't hold back,
You know I'm not like that,
I'm yours.

Things are starting to fall into place now.
Not every thing is a crazy chaotic mess.
Maybe now I can relax.
I know things weren't that bad,
But they were beginning to get out of hand.
All the confusion,
The many, many uncertainties,
And the doubts.
They are still there,
Just controllable.
I was over reacting.
Not everything people say is true.
Infact, most of the things people say are lies.
Whatever, as long as you know what is right,
Everything else shouldn't matter.
Learning to trust is a good thing,
No one ever said it was going to be easy though.
How can you trust someone you just met?
Putting faith in something untangable,
Now that is a challenge.
Of course I know you,
But I have yet to set my eyes upon your face.
Maybe then it will be easier.
Maybe you should give me a call sometime,
With the intenetions of ending something like,
"Alright, see you in a little bit babe."
I'm not mad by any means.
I just want to be able to see you.
I want to be able to hold your hand.
It will happen,
The question is when?

Sweetie, You make me smile.
That's all there is to it.
Your such a positive person.
Hanging around you has been a good choice on my part I do believe.
I made a switch a while ago.
I now am positive I got the better hand.
Please, oh please, don't let me down.
I don't see that being a problem,
But you never know.
Things arn't always what they appear to be.
I would love for you to stay a while.
Friendship is what keeps me going.
You know I'm here for you, always.

True Friendship Never Dies, What Do You Call What We Had Then?

Deanna Doerr.
You my dear, are one of a kind.
Lately you have shown me what true friendship is.
You are always there to correct my mistakes.
When I'm down you pick me up.
You help me see the good in things.
Always you are there to reassure me everything is fine.
You are one crazy girl.
Peeing your pants isn't something I would call pleasurable,
But hanging out with you I'm not sure I have any choice,
It always seems to happen.
We just started getting close,
And I can only see us getting closer.
I greatly look forward to the months to come.
Honeslty who could complain,
Having a best friend like you?
All I can say is you seem to make my days a little brighter.

Confrontation.
Not something I necessarly enjoy.
Sure I'll stand up for what I think is right,
But I would rather aviod it at all costs.
Some people claim they don't like it either,
But I beg to differ.
Its simple,
If you don't open your mouth,
The issue can't be carried on.
Really, we are in high school.
You think you would know this by now.
If you have a problem,
You don't bring everyone into it.
If two people have a problem,
It should be resolved by talking,
Reasoning, and coming to an agreement.
Name calling, back stabbing, and making up rumors;
What do they solve?
Nothing.

Anyone Have a Heater?

Looking back on past blogs,
Is very strange.
Half of them I never remember writing.
Most of them are rediculously sad.
I can't remember the last time I was actually that depressed.
Thanks to my friends,
I have managed to keep myself busy.
I'm glad things are working out in my favor.
I want them to stay that way.
But one can only hope.
I got to see my best friend for the first time in a month last night,
That was a pleasant suprise.
At the moment, I am sitting in Deanna's freezing cold basement,
She is upstairs talking on the phone with her wonderful boyfriend.
I've been sitting her too long,
My toes are numb,
I have a headache from looking at the computer screan,
My stomach hurts,
And I'm really trying to streatch this out too long.
It's a bit dissappointing,
I havn't been able to write a quality blog on a while.
I guess I don't have much to say?
I hear her telling Benji a story about my brother... oh boy.
Anyways, I don't really want to get off,
I won't have anything to do untill Brett calls,
I don't want her to get off the phone,
She needs to talk to him.
So now I guess I sit here,
And pretend someone is going to talk to me on Facebook.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Well I'm done now,
Bye.

Failure.

That is all I am.
How in the world could I let someone that was so close to me just slip away?
She was my best friend.
We did everything together.
We had so many laughs together.
We made everyone look and stare at the girls standing there causing trouble.
We ruined our lives together.
We became who we are today together.
She is the one and only person that got me threw the hardest part of my life.
And how do I repay her?
By letting her leave.
By going on with my days without talking to her.
By having to cancel our only plans we have made in the past month.
I wish there was more I could do.
I have a licence, but much good that does when you don't have a car.
I would come and visit.
I would come and get you,
We would drive to shop n' save and push each other around in carts.
We would climb out of tiny windows together.
Hopefully we wouldn't get caught this time.
Right now things are going pretty good.
I wouldn't need you to write me songs that make me cry.
You wouldn't have to listen to my stories about me just causing more trouble for myself and telling me its not my fault
But it would just be nice if I could see you.
I'm rambling, on and on and on and on.
I tend to do this when I can't stop thinking of something.
This has been bothering me for days now.
Sophia, I miss you.
I know this probably wont happen but it would be freakin sweet if you could please come back to my church, our church.
I know there are issues there but...
I'm just going to stop now before I start to say what I really want.
You know out of all people how selfish I really am.
And I would really like to be selfish right now,
but I love you and I want you to be happy,
Even if that means you wont ever come back to St. Charles River Church again.
I guess all I have to say now is,
I love you,
Can you be my best friend again?

p.s. did you ever find your GPS? sorry really random. ha.