Chaos.

Looking back on the past I have noticed something; a good thing never lasts.
Because of this I have decided to never get my hopes up.
Everything may seem just fine in the beginning,
but just wait and you will find it will soon become chaos.
Honestly is this a joke right now.
Finally I get over something that will never happen,
only to find that the other thing I want will never happen either.
Well it could have happened if someone or some people would have never interrupted.
I do like you.
I do feel horrible for what I have done to you in the past.
I do wish there was something I could do to make up for it.
I do understand why you should'nt trust me.
I don't understand what happened this weekend.
I wish I would have heard from you.
I know I won't hear it from you.
I wish things would have panned out differently.
I thought you felt the same way as you used to about me.
I guess my luck is up.
It's happened before, but I didn't expect it to be one occurrence after another.
But really, whats new?
God must have been having a really bad day when he sat down and planned the rest of my life.
This whole thing is a joke.
At the moment I struggle to find the exact purpose for our life on this earth.
Well I guess I can't say "at the moment"
It's something I haven't been able to stop thinking about since God knows when.
I guess I'm just not thankful for the things I have been given.
What I am thankful for is having friends that understand me,
and care so much about me.
I never asked to be loved so much by the two greatest people on this earth,
and I sure as heck don't deserve them.
Jamie, you were there when no one else was.
You have seen me at the lowest point of my life.
When nothing that anyone said mattered at all,
you were the one who kept me going.
You were the last bit of life that I held on to so hard, for so long.
I'm surprised you're not badly bruised from me holding on so tightly.
Surly anyone else would have suffocated.
I can't thank you enough for being my best friend.
Sophia, if anyone understands me, it would be you.
We both know what it's like to live in a world that makes no since what so ever.
Together we do make up a pretty messed up team.
Thank you for being there.
Thank you for being able to relate so much to me.
If it wasn't for you I wouldn't understand half of my feelings.
You have a way of putting things in perspective.
I know we have had an odd friendship,
but it was all worth it.
I'm sure we will be friends for a long time,
just becasue we are so similar.
You write things that normaly wouldn't mean anything to me.
I don't know why, but coming from you they make me burst into tears.
Thank you so much for being there,
even after finding out how much of a messed up person I really am.
Going on after today is going to be just as much of a struggle as anyother day.
Feeling worthless isn't really a desired feeling.
It just kind of happens.
"I wish I was grateful.
I wish I was confident.
I wish I could think I was pretty.
I wish my Dad would say he loves me.
I wish I had a better way to communicate that I'm hurt,
rather than bitter insults, and pushing you away.
I wish I hadn't snuck out that time.
I wish I had never believed you.
I wish I had never trusted you.
I wish I had never believed in you.
I wish I didn't wish so much."
Thanks Sophia.^