Surfacing

My chest is moving up and down.
I feel the pulse under my skin.
I feel the hunger in my stomach.
I know I'm alive.
I feel dead, but I know I'm alive.
What I don't know is how.
How did I make it through these past couple days?
The odds were up against me.
I'm home now.
I'm isolated.
Now is when I feel dead.
No one is there to make me smile.
I go to school and the atmosphere
smothers the feeling of loneliness.
When I enter the house door the mask dissolves.
Sixteen hours and I will be alright.
I cant run away from my problems,
but I can escape them for 8 hours.
People care about me there.
I know I'm loved.
Well, they love the monster,
but that's better then nothing.
I try my hardest.
Every time I feel the monster,
clawing its way to the surface,
I shove it away to where it is emerging from,
deep inside me.
Progress is all I can ask for.
Progress is what I'm making.
Today was a happier day.
Tomorrow I hope will be even better.
Maybe it was just this week.
I hope so.
I cant have images of my life,
with out the leading roll,
passing through my mind anymore.
I see the surface.
I can't reach it,
but at least I can see it now.
I have to make it there soon.
I have to, or else my lungs will collapse.
I'm holding my breath for the moment,
the moment that I will finally escape.
When I can finally breath again.
I was so deep before.
Darkness surrounded me.
It will soon be over.
I just hope it's for the better.

"The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away"