the monster is coming out.

Today had been an eventful day. Almost more than I can handle. Everything just kept coming. It was like one thing after another. As today was an eventful day it was depressing as well. Most likely the most depressing day I have ever lived. Death never sounded so good. I'm not dying tonight but falling asleep and not having to wake awaken to another dreadful morning doesn't sound like such a tragedy to me, maybe even be pleasant. I just can't take it. Everyone wants a piece of me. Either that of thet reject even the thought of having some of me. Either way it's wearing on me and quite honestly I don't want to deal with it. If I never had to make another decision what could be so bad about that? The biggest issue present is my family situation. Alissa has a secret that seems to be tearing her up. she won't be attending school tomorrow it is that bad. At one point it made me mad that she wouldn't tell me. Kayla knew and she isn't even related to her. Maybe she is keeping it from me for my own good. Like I do to her, I would never tell her I'm done with my life because I know I maycertainly feel it but I know I wouldn't act on it. I feel my father growing inside of me. This involuntary personality beginning to emerge. It's crawling to the surface, beginning to break free and show it's true colors. It wants to be noticed, want s everyone to know it's name. Well it has a few names. The first one is depression, and the second, bipolar. Self control and self worth fit in there somewhere also. It's hard to love someone when you don't love yourself. Sometimes I wish I would finally get my heart broken badly that I would never try again I wouldn't seek my fairytale ending. Living alone forever actually sounds quite appealing at times. That way you are only responsible for yourself and your own actions. but that won't happen being the person of repetition I am I care about others and I always will be. I swear that exact issue will be my life, and the death of me.