Stale Popcorn, And Watered Down Slushies.

Sin is a nasty thing.
Everyone does it,
so why do I feel like
the dirtiest person to ever walk the planet?
I'm not perfect, and I sense that,
every day of my imperfect life.
I do things I never thought I would do,
take part in things I thought I would never take part in.
I hurt people I don't intend to hurt.
I think that is the worst part.
I don't care what happens to me.
I do care what happens to the people around me.
I would die for them.
When I go and do the things I have been doing,
I hurt them.
Yes, them, being plural.
The really bad thing is,
there are probably people I'm hurting,
that I don't know about.
I wish I could stop.
I wish I didn't think I had to do certian things.
I wish I didn't care what others thought.
I wish I didn't hurt myself.
I struggle every day,
trying to be a better person.
It's hard.
My Mom says "Do what's best for Heather"
How can I, when I don't care whats
"Best for Heather"
I'm trying, I really am.
I'm trying to care about what is best for me.
Mean while all of those people that care,
they sit there and watch.
They sit and watch me destroy myself,
they watch me destroy me family,
they watch me destroy my future.
Sooner or later they are going to get bored.
They can't wait forever for the ending,
I guess it would be like watching a horror movie,
except in this one the monster is never killed,
and in the sequel he doesn't die either.
No matter how many sequels there are,
the madness never ends.
My horror film is the kind where,
the monster is killed only by its own stupidity.
But sooner or later people are going to,
press the power button,
throw out the stale, soggy popcorn,
get up and walk out their numb butts,
then leave the room saying,
"Wow that was a waste of 15 years."
Some people will leave the room way before
the monster kills its self.
They won't be there forever.
I just ask that the people that are still there,
the people that are still chewing on stale popcorn,
and sipping on watered down slushies,
the ones who have forgotten how to use their legs,
the ones that haven't fallen asleep yet.
please don' t leave.
I need you.
If I get through this ,
you will be the reason.
I'm not forcing you to stay,
just saying it would be nice.