A sleepless night is once again in my futeure.
Images I have never seen,
I wish i never had seen,
and i never wisht to see again flood my head.
Thoughts are scrambled.
I try to sort through them,
but taht only increases the horrible sights.
Thoughts of death seep into my brian.
Thoughts of my own death,
thoughts of my sisters death,
thoughts of my mothers death.
Rebuking the thoughts only seem to make them rush faster.
I'm scared.
I'm scared of myself.
If only I couldnt be someone different.
Remove myself from my body and walk away.
Walk away from all the problems tomorrow promises to bring.
I'm traped.
I don't know the person that has taken over me.
Someone help.
I'm drowning myself.
I'm losing eveything that was ever dear to me.
I want to live, I really do.
Just not this life.
I want to be able to love my sister.
I want to be able to love my mom,
and my dad,
and my brother,
but I can't.
I can't because I don't love myself.
I'm a monster.
This isn't me.
This isn't who God intended me to be.
Why is this so hard?
Why cant I give up everything I know is bad and move on?
Have I lost hope?
Have i lost hope that my life actually means something?
I know it does.
I see the fear in my mothers eyes,
when we talk about my problems.
I see her giving up because thats all sh can do.
The monster that is me,
won't allowanything else.
I hate the monster.
Someone take it away.
Someone save me from the monster.
Please.